Written by Uche Peace

“You are right Sammy, you are very correct.”
“Ehen! So I suggest you speak with her” Sammy suggested
“And that’s exactly what I will do. I’ll find time this week and pay her a visit”
That night, the weight of my negligence pressed down heavily on me. I have been shying away from my responsibilities and there the truth was, staring bitterly at me.

It didn’t take any stress at all to schedule a meeting with Mummy Adaeze. Mummy is a very caring woman. She gave me a warm welcome, and soon enough, we got talking..

“My dear, this issue is not peculiar to you. As a matter of fact, many working class ladies have similar issues- the issue of balance. Now let me shock you, I had similar challenge” Mummy Adaeze admitted.

“You did?”
“Yes I did. When I got married newly I struggled with balancing a lot of things. A lot of things were pressing on me. So many things were demanding my attention at the same time. And you know as a Pastor’s wife, I even have more responsibilities than you know”
“Hmm…”

“Well, it didn’t take me much time to find my feet. I adjusted to my new life with its responsibilities soon enough… Do you know why?”

“No ma” I replied…

“That’s because that challenge did not take me by surprise. This kind of challenge shouldn’t take you by surprise. You should expect them to come and prepare ahead of them. As a single sister and a medical student, I knew a lot would lie on my shoulders in future, so I began my preparations soon enough. That is why I always tell sisters and even brothers to prepare for the future. Prepare for marriage. Marriage is not a small thing ooo, it is not a joking matter..

It’s beyond the butterflies in your belly as a single sister or brother in love. It’s beyond that, my dear. You and I that are married can testify to this. But you see, many of the single brothers and sisters don’t know these things. That is why I sound it like a bell in their ears each time I have the opportunity to do so. And there are those that are aware of this, but have not all really given attention to it. Wisdom is not limited to knowing a thing, it is in applying the facts that you know. You agree with me?”

“Yes ma, I do”

“I tell young people; ‘Envision your future. You want to be a Doctor or a banker and you will also be a wife or a husband, how do you intend combining these? You will also be a parent, you will be someone’s in-law, how do you intend to manage these and other responsilities that will be saddled on your neck in no distant time, and still burn for God?

Sisters, you will be pregnant someday. Have you thought of the weaknesses that come with pregnancy, most especially the challenges of childbirth? I have heard of sisters who allowed their relationship with God to dwindle because they were pregnant or were newly delivered of a baby with the excuse that their baby won’t allow them focus when praying. Different excuses!’

You see, That is why I keep encouraging our youths to build stability in this place of prayer and consistent fellowship with God. One of the benefits is that in the days of adversities, you will have a well within to draw from. It will give you an edge over the devil. But when you’ve not built stability, ordinary pregnancy or a transfer from place of work will knock you off your feet spiritually… My dear, I tell them…. And I will not hesitate to do that every other time. Sometimes I ask them ‘what future do you see? Begin now to organize your life towards that future. PLAN FOR THIS FUTURE AHEAD! You don’t need to wait until the engagement ring is on your finger before you start preparing for motherhood. You don’t need to wait till the day you say “I do” before you begin preparing for fatherhood.

Written by Uche Peace

Then Sammy cleared his throat, finally.

“I am not against your work, sweetheart,’ he began. ‘As a matter of fact, I admire the way you’re passionate about your job. But my problem with you is that, you are misplacing your priorities. You have not yet learnt to balance your life as a working class lady that you are. All the time, it’s about your work. Like your family don’t matter much to you or we are second to your job in your list of priorities…”

“don’t talk like that Sammy,” I interrupted

“You are not paying much attention to me and your kid. I play the role of a father and even the role of a mother to our son. And it’s taking a toll on me. You are not always around. Even in the little times you are, you are always busy reading or researching. You are always too busy for my liking. You never even create time for me when I desire your company – not even when I want to share my day’s experiences with you nor when I request that you help Junior with his Assignments. Many times Junior and I have been forced to take indomie or bread or cornflakes, not because we wanted to, but because you were too busy to cook for your family… how fair is that? No, you tell me, how fair is that?’

‘”Oh pleeeaasseee Sammy!”
“I am married but I’m being starved of my wife’s company. Maybe you don’t value the moments we share together…’”

“But you know that’s not true honey” I protested.

“When was the last time we held hands and prayed together? When was the last time we trashed issues together in the place of prayer? These days, we don’t even get to share issues together let alone trashing them in prayer, all because my wife is too busy…”
“Sammy, this is getting to me” I cried.

“I don’t think it’s getting to you as much as it does to me… Maybe you’ve never sat down to ponder on this. I’ve noticed these days that you don’t spend quality time with God again personally. In the days when you try to, you are always in a hurry to go. I’m sure God himself is also complaining. Angie, you are too busy for your husband, too busy for your son and even too busy for God! Is this what you want? No, you answer me, are you okay with this?”

“No I’m not!”, I cried out, ” I don’t know how I got into this mess… I don’t know how things deteriorated to this extent. I never planned for this.. This wasn’t intentional”

“You are right! You never planned for this. You never gave it a priority to learn balance before you got married, bearing in mind that your choice profession is a demanding one. You did not prepare for your future as a Christian, a wife, a mother, a Doctor and even a daughter to your parents. Sweetheart , it’s obvious you did not prepare for this future that has befallen you. Even if you did, it’s clear that your preparation was not thorough..”

“I can’t deny that”

“As much as your work is a very sensitive one, you must learn to manage your life so that no aspect suffers. You must find balance. Your beauty as a woman lies in your ability to put things in order, to keep every area of your life in check. That’s how you command respect. And I know you my love, you can balance these if you truly want to. It’s just that you’ve not actually put these into consideration as you should”

“So what do you suggest I do now?”

“Mentorship” Sammy replied.

“Mentorship?”

“Yes submit yourself to mentorship. You are not above that, you know. Maybe you should speak with someone like Mummy Adaeze, the State Overseer’s wife. She is also a medical Doctor like you but you and I can attest to the fact that she’s doing well in managing other areas of her life- her relationship with God, the Church, her family, her relationship with people. Everything is on check!”

Written by Uche Peace

“Sweetheart! I thought you were sleeping. Well, I’m off to the hospital. Dr. Edidiong just called to inform me of the situation at the hospital. My attention is urgently needed now. There’s an emergency!!!”I replied.

“Well, you are not leaving this house until you have performed your wifely duties as my woman that you are”

“Sammy!” I was shocked.
“Well, you heard me right… You aren’t going anywhere until you’ve made my food and gotten our child ready for school” Sammy was bent on it.

“But Sweetheart I just told you now that there’s an emergency at the hospital. I need to go now and help save a life” I pleaded, ‘There’s jollof rice in the freezer. Please, just help me warm it and take enough for yourself and Junior. Pleeeassseee, do your wife a favour…”

“See, Baby, I’m tired of all these, frankly speaking…” Sammy said out rightly.

My heartbeat increased. I could feel my heart pounding inside. Sammy looked away from me. He rose up from the bed, walked towards the window and pulled down the louvers.

Staring into empty space, he said, “I am sick and tired of all these. You keep doing it!” Then he turned towards me , “Emergency this! emergency that!!… that’s the excuse you keep giving. Every day you zoom off for work too early and you return home late and tired. No time for your husband, no time for your son. It’s work, work, work… and you expect me to clap for you and be happy…”

“Sammy pleeeaasee… I beg you in the name of God, just let me go now. I promise to come back early so we can talk about these…”

“You promise?”

“I promise” I crossed my heart…

“Alright dear… see you soon!” Sammy sluggishly gave in.

“love you!” I zoomed off…
It took us quite some time to stabilize the patient. All thanks to God and thumbs up to my team and I for a job well done.

I returned that day quite earlier than I used to because of the promise I made to my husband. I couldn’t stand any crisis in my home. I know Sammy , my husband, he’s not the talking type. He doesn’t say things as sensitive as those he said in the morning until they get to his neck. So for him to have lamented like he did, that means he’s really pained. And so we both have to trash that out as soon as possible.

I stopped by at the market and got some food items. I was going to prepare Sammy’s favorite dish- Edika ikong soup. Sammy is Ibo like me, but he fell in love with that local dish during his youth service days in calabar. Since then, edika ikong has been his most cherished food. He was even the one that taught me how to prepare it.

Sammy enjoyed the meal just like I knew he would. I served it hot; edika ikong soup with assorted fish and meat and eba. I loved the way Sammy settled down to savor every bit of his food. Our son Junior was not left out, he too have grown to love the dish… ‘like father, like son!’

“Doc!” Sammy called.

“Yes Engineer!” I responded.

I could not wait for it. I knew Sammy was about to say something funny. Each time he calls me Doc, something funny would follow. Sammy can be hilarious when he wants to be.
“You know, I’m wondering how a student now knows better than her teacher” He teased.
I got the joke.

“How can you, whom I taught how to prepare Edika ikong soup now prepare it more deliciously than myself. Haa!” Sammy laughed.

“Such is life, my dear” I chuckled.

“Wow! Thank you so much dear. The food was so tasty. I enjoyed every bit of it”
“You’re welcome dear”

We soon got into the bedroom and sat. I waited for Sammy to start up the discussion, but it seemed he was also waiting for me to bring it up. We sat there in silence for some minutes, staring into empty space.